Head Games

The more I run, the more I come to grips with the mental game of running.  Most things I read talk about the mental obstacles in running, how others deal with them, what they may be.  But in the past week I've had some wild adventures on foot and in my brain.

This past weekend I was attending a ladies retreat with my church.  There were three of us that needed to run Saturday morning.  Alarms were set, reasonable bedtimes accomplished (amongst chatting females that is a small miracle, and yes I count myself as a big time chatter), and then I heard this voice........Such a strange voice.....Who owns the phone with the most annoying alarm in the world?  Oh wait, it's a fire alarm. 

We stayed at the same resort last year and on the second night some of the ladies that stayed had a fire alarm, and another, and another, they had like 5 in one night and there was not a fire.  My first thought was, is this real?  All 6 of us evacuated the condo we were occupying (come to find out of the 40 women attending, we were the only 6 to leave) headed down 7 flights of stairs, to be greeted by a security guard informing us that it was just a small oven situation and all was well.  By the time we arrived back to our room, my alarm was going to go off in 20 minutes.  The great debate, do we just go ahead and go or go back to bed and forget the run???  We decided to be good runner girls and we ran.

I needed 4 while my running buddies needed 3, so we had already determined we would split up.  I'm running along nicely, when I spot a deer on the side of the road, beautiful buck, 1.2.3.4.5.6 point, nice!  Oh wait, he's going to cross the road.  If I keep running he may hit me.  All I could imagine at this point was making headlines of runner gets beat up by buck on her morning run, you've seen the videos, the person never wins.  I stopped and graciously allowed Mr. Buck to cross the road peacefully.  The rest of the run, once I got over providing my dear friends with rotten directions for the run and the sheer panic that they were lost, was so nice hearing the ocean waves in the background at all times.  The rest of the weekend was an absolute blast complete with laughter galore!

Tuesday was my regular 4 mile run, but Wednesday added a twist since I was unable to get a long run in on Saturday.  There was another runner from my group that needed to do a mid week long run, so we set out this morning for 20 miles, at 4:15 AM.  The head games started as soon as I agreed to doing this, but I was confident it could be done.  No wait....it WOULD be done.  Route was mapped, water stops planned.  My new running shorts arrived with pockets for all my fueling.  I was ready.

We had an additional runner agree to join us, safety in numbers, even better.  But he is significantly faster than me, so the head games started impacting my tummy and my confidence.  I was still going to run, no matter how far I got.  (notice no longer focused on the full 20)

Water was set out, earnest prayers were prayed the day before and again that morning for safety and stamina, I arrived at our starting location and the original pair was there, no third, he never showed.  My confidence started creeping back in, no issues, this will be a nicely paced run, no problems.  Then I'm told that a runner that I absolutely look up to for her stamina, commitment, speed and strength had texted my running partner at 3:30 this morning that she was up and was thinking about joining us. (yes she is that good to just wake up and decide to run really, really far)  Super runner joined us at mile 2, parked and we were off again.  The pace was nice, but I was in no way shape or form going to be able to maintain that pace for 18 more miles.  The head games commenced....

From mile 2 to mile 10 I started formulating my exit strategy.  Now there were three, if after 10 miles I decided I was done, no big deal, there would still be two runners.  At mile 15 I would only be a few blocks from a friends house, who would likely be dropping off her kiddos to school and she could just swing by and pick me up and return me to my vehicle.  At mile 18 if I just couldn't take it anymore, my office was right there, I could get one of my coworkers to drive me back to my car, if  I didn't stink too bad.  Ok, great, gameplan in store, I know my exits, it added a bit of peace to my little brain.

Mile 10 I felt great, no problem, I can keep going.  I still had two or three more exit strategies in mind.  At mile 12 I made up my mind, if I could run 12 miles what was another 8?  We had an extended water break at this point as there was a porta potti nearby and one runner had to have it.  I texted the hubby to let him know I was at mile 12 feeling great.  No problems, I put my headphones in for some added encouragement. 

Mile 14 introduced morning traffic into our route, we did a loop twice so this almost made the loop feel like a new route because now we really had to pay attention and the sun was up.  With the added traffic came some looks of concern or pitty or who knows what.  We determined that there should be a sign for your shirt that shows your mileage, a direct feed from your Garmin, so people realize that no, I don't look this haggard on an easy 4 mile run.  No, I may not be as easily persuaded to wait for you to make up your mind because I've already ran 17 miles and I only have 3 left to get to my car and food!  We were very fortunate to have an entertaining school crossing guard tell us to slow down, it was a school zone, he was super sweet, and a hospital security guard try and race us in his truck with only 1.5 miles left in our run.  When he heard how far we had already ran, he cheered us on and let us continue.

After mile 15 my calf thought it wanted to cramp, but I convinced it otherwise.  Mile 16 included some whacky heart rate readings that had me a bit concerned.  I walked a bit more than intended, but felt much better once it was within range and I actually took it a bit lower for precaution.  (I'm actually thinking my HR monitor for my Garmin had shifted at this point which was causing the weird readings.)

20 miles, that's a really long distance, a new distance for me.  The last mile I spent reflecting on the run itself, thanking God for the sheer ability to even go that far with minimal hiccups, thankful I didn't have any major emotional swings on this run.  When I arrived back at my car, after a quarter mile walk to cool down, I entered the passenger seat and looked up, there was my old high school.  Thinking back to high school Stephanie, there was not a chance of me even thinking about running a mile, let alone 20.  Another moment of awe at what my Heavenly Father is capable of doing if I just let Him.  I'm thankful that run is over, in two weeks I'll do 22 then taper before 26.2 in Savannah (dinner reservations have already been made at Paula Deen's restaurant after the marathon).  The fun shall continue!

What kind of mind games do you play?